This past week. Hectic.

This past week has been very hectic. I stressed a bunch today. I spent a lot of money in the past week that I should not have spent at all and thats all thats been circling in my head. Bills have piled up and I know im going to be able to take care of them but still its just like really really hard on my dome. I went to 4 shows in the last four days and completely partied my ass off. I have been eating healthier but this weekend I let a few things slide that I shouldn't have. On top of drinking a bunch I had McDonalds for the first time in months. Son of a bitch that sucked. It like literally destroyed me. It made my insides feel like they were falling out. I guess because of how much better i've been eating my body truly couldn't handle that food intake. Fucked me up bad but I pulled through haha. Now since the last post I have successfully lost 3 lbs. Not much but still im on par for my 1 lb every five days goal. Im not fucking around. June 1st. 185 lbs. Test me. Weight marker currently at 207. Progress is progress even if its slow. Im about to head to this organic food place in the city with my friend Kristen, pretty stoked. 

This weekend I am playing two very very fly gigs that I can not wait for. Friday and Saturday are going to rule and be mega hangouts. Friday is our record release in jersey. I hope a bunch of heads come out. Im assuming a lot of people are since its been talked about a bunch. The only acceptable excuse for people not rolling is if they are going to AF. I would be there if this wasn't our record release haha. Stoked to chill with my dogs in POW and Incendiary and all the local jersey heads and have a good night. The next night we play Killing Time's record release in NYC at the Knitting Factory in Brooklyn. I handed out fliers all over the place last night at H20 in the city and Im assuming a lot of people will be at that as well. Overall stoked to play in front of a new crowd and see how well we go over and just be apart of it. Killing Time put out my favorite hardcore record of all time and im honored to share a stage with them. Although the demons in my head make me wear evil. Although I stress and stress constantly and struggle with the anxieties life includes. I always find something to look forward to. Getting out of debt, getting in shape, paying off bills, gigging hard. One love.

Project Lose That Gut Fattie Pt.1

Yesterday I took a look in the mirror and realized I truly am not happy with the way that I have been taking care of my body. My friends kind of fucked with me and started calling me fat and fat ass and all this other stuff but to tell you the truth it really opened my eyes and made me want to change. Not for them, even though it bothered me, but for my god damn self. My friend reflected a moment in time when this kid came up to me and said "dude, do you wrestle, you have a wrestlers type body?" like five years or so ago on the boardwalk. I hardly ever worked out then at all but I remember when he said that it made me feel awesome. Just getting little compliments like that regardless from a guy or girl is a good push towards your self esteem. I used to be in such good shape when I was playing baseball and frankly the years of partying caught up to me. My worst weight that I ever hit was 220 lbs and that was a scary day when I stepped on the scale and saw that. Completely fucking freaked me out. I felt like such a fucking slob. Then I completely stopped drinking for like 7 months. In that time period I was losing tons of weight without even working out. Eating whenever the hell I wanted and whatever the hell I wanted and I was content with that because the weight was coming off. It's truly the beer that does it. I went from 220 to 195 like it was nothing. Well it kind of was. 7 months of nothing. I was riding my bike a lot through the summer time so that probably helped. I had my salads here and there but I didn't really work at it to make like this sculpture of a body, I was just bettering myself mentally from taking a step back from alcohol. Well my eyes are open again and I'm completely focused on what I want to do. Right now I am at 210 lbs. I worked out very hard yesterday but also ate like a jackass because it was the Superbowl and my friends mom made tons of food. Sue me. That was my big banger. My last hooorahhhh if you will. Today I was a god damn champ so ill mark this as day one. Today I ran for 10 minutes which calculated into a mile and a half. I did 250 crunches and 150 push ups. I plan to do this at least five days a week and leave the push ups to an every other day thing to let the muscle have a day off to relax. To eat I started the day off with a Grilled Chicken Salad. The Grilled Chicken was minimal and there was one hard boiled egg in it. I also would like to add that there was a 30 calorie low fat serving of Italian dressing in the mix. I ate this and I felt like a million bucks and I was legitimately full. Id say roughly this meal came out to 400 calories or less. We can say 400. Later in the day I had a fruit cup that came out to 160 calories. It was all mixed fruit and natural. Tasted delicious. Completely held me over till dinner. For dinner I had 6 shrimp tails and two small but hearty portions of fish with orange juice sprayed on it. This meal was god damn delicious and I didn't feel like a piece of shit after at all. Id say this dinner was 500 calories and I was more than satisfied. So today for the whole day I took in 1,100 calories in comfortably and I am more than content with that. All I drank was water with everything.This is only day one. Like I said earlier I am at a sloppy 210 lbs haha. It's what I've weighed forever but I've never liked it. My goal is to be a healthy,lean 185 pounds by June 1st. I did the math from here to then and to do that it means I need to lose 1 pound every five days. If I continue to watch what I eat, which I will, and work out, which I will, then this goal is completely achievable. So mark it down. Today is February 8th and it is day 1 of transformation. 25 lbs in 4 months. Lets do this. Anyone who knows me knows that if I get my head locked on something I push for it 110% and then some if I'm interested in it. My health is something that I am completely interested in. Wish me luck but I'm not gonna need much. I'm straight focused. Ladies prepare yourselves. Males you can learn a thing or two. Karebear in his prime. June 1st, 2010. Count it. Ill throw this video in too. My before bed music for tonight.

Born Low "Reincarnage"

I just checked this band out for the first time today and they really really impressed the shit out of me. For fans of that bounce style. Vocally this dude holds it down hard. His vocal patterns have a lot hints of "Ill Blood", which is never a bad thing, but the placement is tight through the whole record. Downloaded the record today and it completely rips. Going to order the CD later on tonight. I never see this band talked about at all. I realize it isn't for everyone but it really does it for me. It's one thing throwing all your influences in and obviously this is a heavy influenced NYHC release, but this shit is done right.Reaper is pumping out some solid releases. This is no exception. Born Low "Reincarnage". Im calling this band blowing up this year. Not because of the big label support, which will help, but because of how well they pull of this style of hardcore. Obviously not breaking any new ground but its refreshing to hear hardcore done so well. Check them out now so that when the world falls in love with them you can say...dude I've been listening to Born Low since 2010.

www.myspace.com/bornlow

www.myspace.com/bornlow

www.myspace.com/bornlow

More things to look forward to then things not to look forward to.

Life throws so many curve balls at you and sometimes its hard to pull yourself up from a rut. Well I can say im almost fully pulled out. This is the first time in my life where im not bummed about to much. Ive had fun every single day in the past three weeks. Although days get hard I have learned to appreciate the little things. For instance, the other day I was watching the news and a native from Haiti was pulled from the rubble after one week. Imagine suffering for one week and overcoming weakness and gaining strength to survive such a tragedy. No food, no water, just a prayer. That is serious inspiration. When you think you have it bad there's always someone who has it thirty times worse. This is the first time in my life where I can say im happy about the way things are going to go in my future. Although my future is undecided it seems bright. I get off of probation in April, thank the lord. I would have been long gone from New Jersey but under authority I have not been able to leave the state for three years. 

Me, my best friend Sam, and my boy Danny Brooklyn have been looking and checking out spots out in Brooklyn. Found some real tight shit for a real good price and Ive been job hunting like a motherfucker out there or at least seeing what my options are and its looking good. The house we want will be pricey but I know we can make it work as long as we are all bringing in cash. We will be trust me. It's kind of awesome getting off of probation, putting that behind me, and stepping into a world of opportunity. My friend Gary was telling me how he wants to branch off and start his own tiling business and that hes going to need help. That would be great for me. School isn't my route so I will have to pick up a trade. I've been looking into that as well. It's insane how much ive grown up over two years. Two years ago I didn't give a fuck about shit. Now life has forced me to care and take control. In a positive light despite all these adult decisions I have to make there's still tons of room for fun. Suburban Scum has tons of awesome shows coming up that I can't wait to play including the Killing Time record release. Never thought that would happen in a million years but I am stoked nontheless. We've been writing our asses off for a few releases we have planned out. Weekend tours and actual tours are going to happen thank god. Ive been hanging out with tons of new people and making tons of new friends as of late. Life is what you make it. Appreciate the little things and don't take a day for granted and you will prosper my friends. Also I must say that the new Styles P mixtape is straight up fire. Nasty. Dudes a beast. DBLOCK.

No Need To Argue

At some point I will get this phrase tattooed on me. To me it means the entire world. This record alone has got me through so much in the past few months, I cant even begin to tell you. It's simply beautiful. That's the easiest way I can put it. There's so much more to music than what's shoved down your throat on TV. I think music is in a very sorry state right now. At least current radio. I tend to listen to a lot of 90's. Music was way less watered down and pure. I'm not saying that there aren't artists out there now doing their thing and writing music that comes from the heart but, right now its few and far between. I find people to be extremely dull if you can't step outside the box and explore music in general. There's something out there for everyone and there's a lot out there for me. "No Need To Argue" came out in 1994 and truly stood the test of time. It's a beautiful thing how much music can have an impact on ones life, good and bad. This record is simply therapy and I'm in love with it.

There's no need to argue anymore. 
I gave all I could, but it left me so sore. 
And the thing that makes me mad, 
Is the one thing that I had, 

I knew, I knew, 
I'd lose you. 
You'll always be special to me, 
Special to me, to me. 

And I remember all the things we once shared, 
Watching T.V. movies on the living room armchair. 
But they say it will work out fine. 
Was it all a waste of time. 

'Cause I knew, I knew, 
I'd lose you. 
You'll always be special to me, 
Special to me, to me. 

Will I forget in time, ah, 
You said I was on your mind? 
There's no need to argue, 
No need to argue anymore. 
There's no need to argue anymore. 

Internal War

Well as if it didn't take forever for this thing to come out it did. We just got them in this week and I can not tell you how stoked I am. I've never been in a band or a semi serious band before so this is all new to me. When I went to my buddy PG's house and just saw them sitting there packaged up, 1,000 of them, I can't explain the feeling I got. So much heart went into this record and its finally finished. It's kind of like a milestone. All the hard work you put into it payed off and your left with something to hold onto for a lifetime. To some people this sounds corny but to me its a huge feeling of  accomplishment to say the least. I can't describe in words how stoked I am to move forward with this band and see where it goes. Were playing a lot of fucking awesome shows coming up and I'm stoked to keep shit raw and see how people react to it. There's nothing better in the world to me than music. It gets me through everyday life and I have no idea what the hell I would do without it. Every single day has a soundtrack. 

www.ridethefury.bigcartel.com

www.myspace.com/suburbanscumnj

Soul Searching

So life as I know it has rapidly changed over the course of the last few months. Some may say for the better. Some may say for the worse. I'm going to be optimistic and say for the better. I went through a terrible god damn breakup that I truly can't even explain or find answers. I'll tell you what. That was the hardest time that I have ever went through. I felt true love for the first time in my entire life. Not just the downs but the ups as well. Love that I apparently wasn't ready for at all. I walked through fire and I got burned. All of this I guess helped me find things on my own. It gave me a chance to figure things out for myself. Whether the outcome really benefited me or not I still can't figure it out and I think about it every god damn day. The only questions I ask in life are why? People say everything happens for a reason and the only thing I'm left on is finding reasoning to reason, if that makes any sense?It sucks when you look at certain situations when you fucked up and you can't believe yourself. It sucks on the strongest level when you let yourself down knowing your capable of doing better or handling situations better. Going back in time and changing things is fucking impossible and I wish it wasn't. Now I sit here asking what if? How? Basically the most impossible questions that could keep you tossing and turning all night and the only one can answer them is no one, so it turns into pointless stress on yourself. Well thats what happens when your a head case I guess. Life is a very very long road. Ive traveled on it for 22 years and I have made the wrong turns more than once. I've made the wrong turns more than I can count. Ill still say that I'm learning. Who isn't? Learning how to live. Society throws all of these things down your throat and your are expected to live one way. I live life like a degenerate some days. Hell who's to say how I live is wrong? It's all up to you. Ask yourself questions. Are you a good person? Do you deserve what you have? What are you working for? What are you striding for? I'm often a big ball of thought mixed with a bag of confusion. My thoughts are rapid and I'm thinking a mile a minute but I don't quite have any answers. In life I mean well and I'm going to better myself. Ive learned one thing about relationships and its that you have to be 100 percent happy with yourself and content with where you are in life to make another person happy. Learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Well, I simply do not love myself. That's where change comes in. Change. A word that means so much. Could be good. Could be bad. I need to change for the better. These endless benders aren't helping me concentrate on the happiness I can truly achieve. I have a lot of goals in life and expectations that I set for myself which is new to me. I've went from nonchalant to aggressive. Everything I give from here on out will be 100 percent. I am 100 percent sure that I want to be happy and do right. Overcoming demons and bitterness towards others is the hardest part. Life is a game. You live and you learn. Soul searching till I find my way. The places you have come to fear the most.